What's Next?

How is my life looking next year?

I have at least one more semester here at college.

I have my vacation unplanned.

I have a girl I’m bound to see in my day-to-day life if I stay in Brasilia.

But after 6 months, I’ll be out of University. And then what?

I have 0 plans of attack.

0 Plans on what to do next.

I’ll admit I was interested in taking a master's here at University when I was with her. But now that she ended things, I feel fewer ties to stay here (although I still have my friends).

At the same time, I don’t think I’m mentally stable to move to a new city(São Paulo comes to mind).

I’m starting to see psychologists. Work on the abandonment issues that I developed as a kid.

But other than that, I have no idea.

I haven’t been looking for opportunities to leave, nor for opportunities to stay.

I feel pretty lost.

It may seem old-fashioned, but I really wanted to travel with someone during my entrepreneurship journey. Be with someone I trust. Either a friend or a girlfriend.

I just wish I could live in college forever, complaining about classes forever, being with true friends forever.

It’s the first time I’ve felt close to others.

First kiss, first sexual intercourse, first best friends.

First deep talks.

First drugs.

The first place I felt at home.

I fear time speeding up so much after I leave college that I’ll only see my friends once a year or less.

And then wake up one day, I’m 50 years old and everyone is away. Some have died. Some married. Some lonely.

I fear having my friends get lost within themselves, and turned into a shadow of what they were.

I fear my friends not having a good life.

I fear losing my friends.

And If life taught me anything, is that whatever I fear most, is what ends up happening.

I feared winning TrepCamp all the way up until this point.

And we won again and again.

I fear becoming who I know I’ll be. An Entrepreneur. Following Steve Jobs's steps.

I just wanted to love her more, and to have one afternoon more with my uncle.

I miss my friend Leo.