Suicide Kid

Hello

this is me.

I’m that guy.

you know who

the one always cracking jokes

I’m lost

But I won’t say that to you

ever

I’m lost and honestly

death doesn’t seem too scary

I can think of it everyday

all day

and still act like a normal human being.

You wouldn’t know that I tried it last night,

and now am sitting next to you in class asking what is going to be on the test

‘Is the teacher gonna evaluate that next week?’

‘Did you do the homework like this?’

.

I was a bright kid.

Family was proud of me.

I lived a good life.

But you’d never know it.

‘So soon’

‘Had the whole life ahead of him’

Did I?

I’m not dead.

Not in the literal sense.

But I am killing myself softly by not pursuing what I care about.

I have the privilege to be sad by not focusing on what I believe is valuable.

Sad.

A feeling isn’t it.

not an existential condition.

It is mine.

Do you give up easily?

How do you evaluate that?

Hard class. Failed.

Failed again.

and Again.

and Again.

and Again.

When do you give up?

If it doesn’t do you any good.

Do you continue because it is the ‘right path’?

I never felt at home at University.

I wanted to be in business. Business didn’t frustrate me as much.

It came easily.

Maybe I like easy things.

Maybe I don’t like failing at hard things.

Why keep up keeping up?

I’m gonna talk to one of my teachers.

it won’t help.