Nature of my Character

So I realized something about who I am.

I realized that I’m somewhat industrious in nature, and an artist at heart. I need to work and feel successful at something before I can focus on other parts of my life.

I also have no clue where my efforts will lead me, and that means I don’t need anything keeping me in the same place if I really need to move.

I am an artist without a successful art form, nor an art that I focus all my efforts on. I’m studying Control and Automation Engineering. But I also write on this blog, I also try to find ways to make money, either by investing my money or by trying something new. Some freelancing, etcetera.

And deep down I know I’m not ready for a relationship yet. I need to get some of my life under control, I also need to experiment with ideas some more.

It’s sad realizing that no matter who comes along, I just can’t be available until I get one good thing going for me, one recurring success. Being good at something. Working everyday on it.

Only when I’m well stablished I can say for sure I’ll be able to find someone that matches me more. Because right now I believe I still don’t know most of my personality, I only know the gross details. I need to work to figure it out.

The hard thing is that I find amazing girls around me, girls I fall hard in love. I feel the passion, I feel the need to be together. To feel these feelings and know I need more work is hard.

But then comes Jimmy and whispers

“But what if she’s hot and plays with our balls?”

And I honestly have no answer for him.

We are all f%cked.