3 min read

Humans Are Insane

Humans Are Insane

by the Imperium of Man.

“Humans are insane. You see, Humans have this concept called “Vengeance”. Once, a Vuux warship blew away one of their early colony ships. Fifty Terran geo-helio-cycles later, without a word, they glassed the entirety of the Vuux homeworld and called it even. Not one senator in the Union even dared bring it up with their ambassador. They have no compunction to follow the Concord of Equal Force!”

“The Human muscle-to-mass ratio is incomprehensible. Their world must have been at least half-again as large as ours. Their biology defies reason, they breathe oxygen and yet can swim in liquids without trouble. They can kill with their manipulator extremities, and more. One prisoner slammed his brain case into a guard, and then beat them to death with his bare hands.”

We poison our air and water to weed out the weak. We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere. We nailed our god to a stick. Don’t fuck with the human race.

“Humans present a substantial problem for the Theory of Evolution. It is difficult to find an aspect of human biology that is remotely competitive. They metabolise a variety of corrosive gases, their process of reproduction is lethally dangerous and their respiration and food orifices are combined in such a fashion as to almost guarantee suffocation by misconsumed food articles. And that’s not to consider the damage done to their spine and musculature by an inexplicable instinct to balance on the hind legs.”

Entire sectors of the Human leisure industry are dedicated to the production and sale of liquid inebriants which damage the body’s internal organs and cause dehydration. Humans sometimes make a GAME out of consuming these inebriants.

Humans are constantly conditioned almost from birth to regard lethal violence as valid entertainment, and are taught to revere those who choose to kill other humans as a career.

“I was attending a gathering at the human ambassadors residence of Seare, and happened upon the children of the human occupants. They were watching what appeared to be live footage of a war, but was revealed to be a tactical simulation, analogous to that used in our military education establishments.

We must keep close watch on these children, and others like them. there must be some thought of training them as the next generation of generals. The thought of otherwise exposing infants to the horrors of war is ludicrous”

Humans took a long time to fully develop methods of preserving history, and so much of their past is only remembered by what methods of war were currently being waged and what ores were in use for weapons.

Rather than fight disease directly, humans deliberately inject themselves with crippled versions of deadly plagues, so that their bodies will shrug them off with minor effects. Their immune systems are so hardy that even the quickest-mutating pathogen barely effects them; they call this “just a cold” and treat their infection like a minor inconvenience!

The human capacity to change is fascinating.
I myself have witnessed a human military officer, who is tasked solely with the purpose of abusing his subordinates until they bond, take a group I suspected of severe genetic ailments – excess fat tissue, panic during crisis situations – and turn them into the perfect murder machines that have come to know and fear.

We have long suspected that humans in their homelands are weaker than those we regularly encounter, but it is clear that even the weak ones can become dangerous with minimal effort.

I would not advise an invasion of any human-controlled system at this time.



Such an amazing example of how Humans could potentially be the worst thing to happen to alien civilizations.

Thanks 4chan.