Don't Think, Do

It’s 23 pm.

I’ll be working until 00h to wake up at 5 am and work some more.

Not because there is a lot to do. There is. But that is not why I work.

23:53 pm, Finished my research on farmers in Latin America, how their main costs are divided. Mostly researched on small farmers. I need to make the numbers make my case for tomorrow.

I finished half of Digital Control Theory list. Finishing the list is only 10% of the total grade on the test, I need to study it deeply before Tuesday(29/10). But I need to finish it.

I also need to finish coding interview from Crewmeister. Coding a simple app in node.js. I know nothing about node.js. I got a deadline to finish it till 29/10.

There is also another company waiting for my response on interest in intership till 29/10(I’ll try to delay it till the end of the week(1/11). And another interview I need to schedule at that week.

Now I need to focus on crunching the numbers right and making our main pitch be about how scalable our business can be, and how much more we are making the farmers win.

Tomorrow we meet with our mentor face to face.

Now I need to sleep. I haven’t slept all that well this week. and tomorrow I need to wake up at 5 am to start the day with discipline. 5 hours of sleep.

Maybe I’m crazy.

I don’t like to think I use work as a way to run away from emotional problems. To me it has always been something that I take pride on “I can work even though I’m emotionally not all that well”. It gives me a sense of control in life.

I agree that it is not the remedy. You should still process the emotional toll. But stop doing the only thing that gives me pride in life, working, just to deal with it feels like failure.